Willamette Wildlings: September 2008

The first day of kindergarten was hard. I was mostly at peace with leaving him with strangers. We had met the principal and his teacher. They were both lovely. In fact, we were uncommonly pleased with his school. But still, I wasn't interviewing them for the position, they were interviewing us. And, they were strangers. Would they be kind to him? Would he feel left out? He's gotten quite good at handling civilized children, but what about the crazy ones?

The morning of, we both got dressed. I pulled out his lunch, feeling the weight of all the lunches I would make in the future. I took his picture on the front porch. He stood with his backpack next to him. It was almost as long as he was. We were both pretty quiet on the car-ride to the school. I thought of my own first days of school. I remembered feeling anxious and overwhelmed. What was he feeling? Did he understand the importance of this first day? Did I want him to?

I thought of how much influence these new friends and teachers would have on him. I thought to myself, "he is my boy and I'm not ready to share him with the world quite yet. Let me protect him a bit longer." I looked at him through the rear-view mirror and saw that his face mirrored my own; both of us with brave little smiles. We got to the school and I escorted him to the classroom. The room was full of tiny chairs and tables. He was asked to find his name at one of the seats. Seeing his name there in print, somehow made it so much more official. Jack was a kindergartner. I stared at the ceiling until the tears welling in my eyes dried up. The teacher greeted us and told us that we could explore the room, and then she would read us a story and after that it would be time for parents to leave.

The teacher started reading the book "The Kissing Hand." As I saw the cover, I knew that during the reading would be an excellent, no absolutely necessary time to check my Blackberry for messages. The book is one that talks about a mother leaving a child at school and the mother giving the child a kiss on the hand so that the child will not feel lonely.

After the book, parents were gently encouraged to leave. Jack and the other children barely noticed as the teacher started talking to them about organizing their Teddy Bear picnic. As the parents left, we were each handed a small card. I started to read it but had to stop. It was about the school staff being so grateful that we were entrusting them with our children. I got to work and called a friend. I started to read the card to her but had to stop.

All day long I wondered how he was doing. Was he feeling comfortable enough to talk to the other children? Did he get a healthy snack? Were any other children interested in dinosaurs? Did he make a friend? Would he find the bus okay? I waited for him at the bus stop. As the bus approached, I could feel myself welling up with excitement. The tiny figure of my child finally got off the bus. I gave him a big hug and asked him if he liked kindergarten. He said "Yeah, they have more dinosaurs than pre-school."

Dang. If only I had known that they had a lot of dinosaurs, I wouldn't have worried so much.